True Feminity is Love, Honor and Respect

HATEFUL THINGS WOMEN DO TO EACH OTHER

by Norka Blackman-Richards

It has become the silent emotional killer among women. Women who are downright
mean, malicious and disrespectful with each other. This trend is creating havoc
in our relationships with each other, for it strikes the core of sisterhood.
Real sisterhood can only exist when respect and trust stand unshakeable. In this
particular, most men are quite opposite to us. For a man, a brother is a brother
is a brother. However, what is most disturbing about our malicious ways is that
we are passing on a legacy of a broken sisterhood to our daughters. Girls that
are mean and catty are usually this way because their understanding is that this
is a normal part of femaleness. They grow up to become mean and catty women who
perpetuate a diseased sisterhood.To break this cycle we each need to make a
conscious effort to validate all women. Be they our friends or not. Otherwise,
we will continue to find ourselves moving within circles of female hostility,
suspicion, and pain. Here is my list of the most detestable practices that we
need to discontinue in order to heal our sisterhood:

1. Talking about each other - You are really not her friend if what you have
to say about her is so bad you can't say it in front of her. If you are a real
friend you should be able to tell her your concerns for her life to her face. If
you have the need to tell others, but you haven't found the time to tell her -
red lights should be flashing. Believe it or not, gossiping is not an intrinsic
part of being female. Women who gossip do it not because it's a woman-thing, but
because they want to elevate themselves and put other women in a place of
inferiority. Gossiping is just another symptom of deeper insecurities.

2. Fighting for men - One of the most undignified things that any woman can
do is to fight, argue, or curse another woman over a man. It's a disgusting
trend that used to be a school girl thing, but today adult women are doing it
too. If both of you are in conflict - because his choice is not clear - then
that means that he's really not into any of you. He's probably playing both of
you. That man really does not deserve love or attention from either one of you.
Let him go.

3. Joining female gangs - Women who make you feel unwelcome and unwanted
within their circle of friends are not to be trusted. Women cliques have become
common in the workplace, at masjid or church, in the neighborhood. Cliques are the
dwelling place of insecure women. Women who join cliques are seeking refuge from
their own lack of confidence by cocooning themselves within this circle of
supposed exclusivity. Again, the need to belong to, or be part of a clique is
also a sign of deeper insecurities. Beware, cliques are usually encouraged and
thrive on a type of gang mentality.

4. Undermining each other - Beware of any woman who can never celebrate your
accomplishments with you. It could be a new boyfriend, a promotion, an award, a
new job, a new acquisition, weight loss. If she has nothing positive to say to
you about it, does not show emotional support, or chooses to remain silent she
is not a true friend. Real friends know how to recognize and genuinely rejoice
for our successes with pride.
5. Competing against each other - You need to get this straight. There will
always be another woman with nicer hair, a more caring husband or boyfriend,
better behaved children, a better paying job, a bigger house, a more fashionable
wardrobe - there will always be some woman with more of what you don't have.
Consequently, the only person that you need to compete against is yourself.
Strive to be the best that you can be - for you. Competing against other women
to prove yourself superior is a financial and emotional drainer. Because of this
mindless competition we become mean, envious and hypocritical. It is pointless.

6. Disrespecting boundaries - To survive peacefully every relationship and
every friendship must have clear boundaries. Good relationships operate within
margins of respect. Within this level of respect, privacy and intimacy are
keywords. Yes, you are my friend, but that doesn't give me the right to walk
into your bedroom or your kitchen, unbeknownst to you, and help myself to your
stuff. I don't do this not because you won't allow me to, but because I respect
your privacy and your things. Consequently, we both need to know and respect
each other's levels of privacy and intimacy.

7. Crossing boundaries - This is similar to the above; the only difference
is that my respect of your boundaries should never depend on my friendship with
you. We need to respect women for the simple fact that they are women. If she is
a woman she is a sister. Period. Therefore, from that understanding I will have
the utmost respect for her children, her man, her opinions, her choices, and for
her as a person. It amazes me how women are quick to disrespect another sister's
boundaries, but feel offended if another woman does to them the same exact
thing. Honestly, that type of inconsistent behavior can only be credited to some
form of mental illness.

8. Exploiting our friendships - This is a major one. Why are you friends? Do
you only remember her being around whenever she could get something from you? It
doesn't even have to be material. It could just be your time or your positive
energy. Does she happen to be always on the receiving side, with you dishing out
ton loads of yourself or your stuff? Or is she your friend because of what you
represent? It could be that your husband's position or yours, your possessions,
your talent, whatever, represents some form of achievement. Is she a friend
because that link to you places her on a higher platform? In a real friendship
appreciation, support, and loyalty must be reciprocal.