Have I done My Best.....By Tutty Aunkman

For those who don't know, one of the many jobs i perform is as a resident artist teaching music in a middle school in Brooklyn, NY. This job is highly rewarding, thought provoking as well as challenging. The job requires that those in my field be in the proverbial front lines and trenches with the youth and we are daily affected by their many joys, concerns and day to day trials and tribulations. I must say having children consistently in my life has been key in prompting me to pray more, reflect more and strive to be a better over all example, knowing that i have to be the living embodiment of that which i ask of my children, as i always think "I can show 'em better than i can tell 'em!!!"

One issue that is consistently a soar spot in my own heart and so very visibly a tender issue in the behavior and self image of our kids, is the lack of a father in many households. Their are many instances with young brothaz i encounter where they behave erratically and without respect for authority simply because the order or advice is coming from an older brotha. The lack of respect shown for men who sincerely care about them is troubling for a few reasons. Many times i find these brothas are only responsive to damn near aggresive and violent behaviour or verbal abuse. The question is begging of course: Why is this the norm for many young black males? (and young sisters for that matter) and Why is their dominant, sometimes only, mode of expression anger and resentment?

Actually the question is a rhetorical one. Those of us who know the shaping factors of the society we live in know all to well the answer to the question. They suffer from a degraded self image, a lack of knowledge of Self and many have no spiritual relationship or concept, all of which leads to a personal hell of sorts. Im sure we've all had people in our lives we love, and we see them lost, no direction, making decisions that go against their best interest, and you do everything you can to help but at the end of the day they have to want to save their own life. It can be a painful process to observe, because in these people you see yourself....and you feel a certain sadness seeing them suffer. Well thats how i feel right now....In the youth is our resurrection....our legacy.....and if they are lost, this spells dire consequences for us. No disrespect to anybody but i don't care about playoff games, i don't care about who the hottest coon is peddlin willie lynch ass lyrics to our people, i don't give a damn who the president is.....none of that matters unless it can elevate the collective of our people. What takes priority over that?

This is really a note to myself, a prayer to myself for God to lift us up as a people, as one soul.....a reminder to want for my babies and brothers what i wont for myself. A reminder for me to step my own game up....for me to really analyze my own behavior and ask "have i done my best?"

peace, love and community life....